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Simple ways1.  Know the basics.  If the last time you learned about sex was in the class your gym teacher taught in high school it might be time to brush up and make sure your knowledge is correct.  Basic info about safer sex is always changing as science advances and we learn more about how we can best protect ourselves.  If you want to be a sex positive advocate make sure the information you are sharing is correct!

2.  Don't pretend to know about things you don't know about.  Don't give out factual information based on the experience your friend had "this one time" or because you saw it on Law and Order SVU.  It can be tempting to say things that we think are correct because that is the way that we have experienced them.  Individual experiences, as valid and interesting as they are, are not facts.  When you are speaking from personal experience make sure to make that clear rather than presenting your opinion as "the way it is".  It can be easy to make inferences about large subjects based on knowledge of isolated facts.  Sometimes this works.  Often it doesn't.  One of the smartest things a person can do is to admit when they don't have all the facts they need to make a determination on something.

3.  Carry condoms.  Even if you are not in a position in life where you will need them, carry a few condoms to give out to friends in need.  Of course, for this to work you will have to make it known that you have them.  If you want to go one step further, make a safer sex kit that includes condoms, gloves (either of which can be cut to make an oral barrier much more easily than trying to fold a whole dental dam into tiny squares so it will fit in your bag), and a little lube.  I carry a safer sex kit all the time just in case.  I keep it all in a small metal tin inside my bike bag to keep all the latex safe and puncture free.  Carrying safer sex supplies even in the times when you most likely will not need them shows your commitment to safer sex.  It confirms that sex is a part of life that can happen any time, and just like the boy scouts we should always be prepared.  If you are in a monogamous relationship you may want to give your partner a heads up as to why you are carrying condoms around.  Who knows, maybe they will like the idea enough that they will decide to do it too!

4.  Don't let judgment be your first reaction.  There is a lot of weird shit out there that you are not going to find sexy or appealing.  There are people that are completely happy expressing their sexuality in ways that would make you miserable. There are a lot of sex acts that might freak you out or seem like something you would never ever enjoy.  That's cool, but take a minute to think before you put your personal decisions onto someone else.  Think about the reason you are reacting negatively.  Do you have some legitimate concerns about the ethics or safety of the situation, or does it just feel strange to you?  It is good to initiate discussions about sexual practices that we have legitimate concerns about.  But we can also have these discussions in a state of suspended judgment.  Consider the difference between saying, "I have some concerns about this practice for these specific reasons," and "That is disgusting/unnatural/wrong."  Just because you are a sex positive person doesn't mean that you can't make moral judgments.  However, when you do, realize that your morals are your own and consider whether it is ethical to demand that other people live by your personal moral standards.  

5.  Think through the basic assumptions you have been taught about sex and sexuality.  Knee-jerk reactions often represent the things we were taught by parents or society.  What do your opinions look like when they come from you rather than these other outside influences?  Take a moment to re-evaluate your outlook on topics in sexuality from the viewpoint of sex-positivity.  If sex is a positive force then how do I feel about sex work? What do I think about teenagers having sex?  Are there situations in which I think an abundance of sex can be a bad thing? I am not suggesting there are right answers to these questions.  I am saying that sex positivity is a far reaching subject. Shifting our thinking from sex negativity is a constant process.  

6.  Make space for pleasure in your life.  Don't just think about what a positive force sex can be, make sure that you are prioritizing having regular physical pleasure in your day to day life.  Whether you are in a relationship or single, staying in touch with your desires is important.  Put orgasm and pleasure up there with other basic care activites like good nutrition, getting enough sleep, connecting with loved ones, and petting your dog.  These are the things that will keep you feeling healthy and grounded but they are also the first places we cut corners when work gets busy or we just don't have the time.  Safeguard some time for sexual pleasure in your life.

7.  Last, but probably the best thing you can do, be the friend people can talk to about sex.  I am always surprised at how much of a difference this simple action can make.  In a world where talking about sex and desire can be a taboo topic, having a friend you can confide it can make the difference between isolation and support.  Realizing you are not the only one with desires can mean a lot.  Being able to talk over sexual situations can prevent you from making a some big mistakes that you may not have realized until that quality talk with a friend.  Sex negative isolation is everywhere.  Be the person that celebrates their friends as sexual people.


Write the Author: Laura Rad

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should certainly all pay attention to our-self a bit more, your posting just emphasises the fact.

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