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vegans.jpgBack in January of 2009 the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals released an ad claiming that "studies show vegetarians have better sex." To illustrate their point they produced a montage of extremely attractive, scantily clad ladies going into heat while they pleasured themselves with pumpkins and heads of broccoli. This ad led to an overwhelming amount of email sent to Sex is Fun. Some of the inquisitors wanted to know if it was indeed true, and other's claimed that they knew it was true and pleaded with me to cover the topic on the show.

While it could be argued that vegetarians get a lot of fiber, making it more fun for them to receive anal sex, they are also often zinc starved making them less likely to be aroused and achieve climax. Vegetarians are well known for boasting the health benefits of avoiding tasty meat snacks but french fries are technically not meat. If a vegetarian ate nothing but vegetable lard and french fries, they'd still be a vegetarian but one that was a fried Snicker's bar away from a massive coronary, and heart attacks do not make one sexy or good in bed.

Diet does affect the taste and smell of all that is secreted from the body. It is a complete wives tale that a vegetarian diet makes for sweet spunk. There's plenty of foul forage that is common place in a vegetarian's diet. A vegetarian who eats onions, garlic, and asparagus 3 hours before stuffing their protein deficient genitals in your mouth is more than likely going to taste as nasty as zit juice. A meat eater that takes in a bunch of citrus, pineapple, and strawberries with a reasonable amount of fish, chicken, pheasant, lamb, beef, bison, or super yummy veil, will probably taste pretty good in comparison.

As for the taradiddle about vegetarians having better sex, I shake my head once again at PETA. Quality of sex is so objective that I almost wish they would just go back to comparing cows to Jews in Auschwitz. If you ask me, and I don't recall if anyone did, vegetarians and vegans are by-in-large a bunch of joiners dancing the HokiPoki collaboratively putting their backsides into neo-conformist circle. What most of them haven't realized is that they don't need to convince anyone of their holier than thou lifestyle. They can do their thing and leave everyone else alone. It is a tough concept for joiners, I know.

Vegetables are good for you, so is meat in reasonable quantities. It is a matter of choice and what PETA has not realized is that it is a choice that they cannot make for me or anyone else. This is a fact that seems to frustrate them to no end making them increasingly annoying and confrontational about their elitist dietary opinions. They think they are healthier, happier, and better in bed. While a case may be made for the health benefits of a glutin-soy-oat-wimpy diet, happiness and sexual prowess is nearly impossible to quantify.

Every time I get a letter from a pretend friend to animals that tells me I should talk about the benefits of vegetarianism on the show, I immediately go out and eat the most innocent looking animal I can find at my nearest butcher shop. So vegans, stop writing me about your completely unrelated self-important pet project before more animals are killed in the name of tasty goodness and Kidder-spite. Only you can stop slaughter...



Write the Author: Kidder Kaper

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user-pic Google

I love this tactic. Spiteful deterrence; brilliant.

user-pic Google

*giggle* the last line made me think of the phrase "you can't spell slaughter with out laughter." :) peta needs to calm down it really does. I'm a vegetarian but I don't care what other people eat. I bend some of my veggie rule when it comes to things like gelatin because it is so hard to avoid. I take my vitamins and do my best to not be a junk food vegetarian. :) enjoy your steaks kidder. ^_^

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Kidder Kaper

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Kidder has been theorizing and writing about human sexuality since 1993, when he began work on his primary goal: "Teaching the world to be unafraid to enjoy sex."


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Laura Rad has been educating herself and others about sexuality for over seven years. You can find Laura every week chatting with the crew of the Sex is Fun Podcast.


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